Latest script rewrite! (*humorous!!!*)

[Micheleh]

Hi, all! i am posting this in all respect, with the notion that a laugh does a body good once in a while. So- in my own words, "A funny thing happened on the way to the mystical planet named Earth..."




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Battlescar Attactica- Episode 1: Moore for your money!

In our last episode(*), the Attactica became aware of an insidious menace which threatened to wipe out the entire cast and crew, and destroy forever the noble legacy of mankind's struggle to remain alive against all odds, including corporate takeovers and Nielsen ratings. Was it the evil Nylon Empire? No, not this time. This was far more sinister.....

*****

The Battlescar Attactica floats majestically against the backdrop of endless space. Now watch... we pan in to the command center of the mighty vessel, to see their noble leader, Commander Adrama. Focus...

Commander Adrama paces restlessly across the confines of the cramped bridge. Suddenly, he whirls to face his CO. "Tighdye!"

"Yes, Commander!"

"Answer me one question... why is it that on a ship the size of a small city, I have to pace the confines of a cramped bridge? I won't have it! Get those consoles out of here before the next duty!"

"Yessir, I'll have them taken out and shot! Ah... Commander?"

"What is it? Make it fast, I have to be at a meeting of the Council of Elderberries."

"Sir, the partol we sent out to investigate the disturbance in the Viveldi sector has not returned!"

Adrama scowls at the stoic CO. "Who was in that partrol anyway?"

"Captain Apillow, and Lieutenants Fastbuck and Bummer."

Adrama scowls again. "Answer me another question. Why is it that on a ship the size of a small city, with fifty Squatrons of Wipers, the same three warriors go on all the missions? What do we pay these people for? Get rid of all these lazy no-flyers!"

"Yessir, I'll have them taken out and decommissioned! But first, should we send out a search party?"

"Have you used the long range scanner to check for any C.C.N.P.?(**)


"Yessir, there's nothing out there but space debris and some old newspapers."

Adrama sighs. "Very well. Send out Happy and Limabean. I have to address the council, and see if I can use my underwhelming authority as military commander to prevent the civilian leader, Sire Yogi, from his mad plan to convert all of our Bolonial Wipers into Yellow Galacticabs."

"Yessir!"

"And cancel our subscription to the Bolonial News, I'm tired of having to get it down off the bulkhead."

*****

Will our missing warriors return? Will the fleet be refitted with meters? Will Adrama ever get his paper? Tune in for our next episode, "The Hammar Virus!"

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(*) That comes later. Prequels, you know.
(**)Conveniently Crashlandable Nearby Planets)

[jewels]

More on the Nylons please!!! heeheehee. Wipers? now they are Wipers?

[Micheleh]

Battlescar Attactica- episode 2: Things are Tough All Over (*So I lied, sue me. -Ed. ;D )

*****

Count Faultar, fallen Lord of Noboll, destroyer of human civilization, cheater at cards, evader of taxes, and all-around really unpleasant person, glared out into the murky darkness from the majestic heights of his command chair aboard the Nylon 3rdbasestar. Suddenly, he barked a harsh command. "Loosiner!"

"Byyourcommandsir!"

"Answer me one question. Why is this bloody chair so high? Are you trying to make sure I don't get away? What if I have to perform a human function?"

"Byyourcommandsir, I'll have it taken out and truncated."

"Well, alright, then. So report. How are our latest ineffectually-menacing- while-not-seriously-damaging-despite-our-overwhelming-superiority-of-numbers tactics coming?"

"Actually, we have been concentrating on a different menace than the Colonical fleet lately."

"What?!? Don't tell me the I.G.R.S. found me again!"

"No, one of our patrols dissapeared in the Viveldi sector. When the ship was recovered, the Denturion was alive, but..."

"But what?"

"Well... see for yourself."

Loosiner steps aside as a Nylon trooper appraches. Faultar powers down his chair, peering through the gloom.

"Loosiner, *what* is the matter with this Denturion?"

Loosiner sighs. "We believe its command structures have been altered."

"Those aren't the only structures that have been altered! Wa-hey!"

The Denturion speaks. "I am Number 36D. You will be adulterated." Holding it's arms out, the Denturon advances, clasping the shocked Faultar to its, well okay, breast. "You are not a bad man. I will change you."

Faultar struggles madly in the thing's steely embrace. "Loosiner! Help! Get this thing off me!"

Loosiner calmly draws his sidearm, and adjusts the dial from 'stun' to 'jiffypop'. He calmly lazers the manic Nylonette until it's metal uniform begins to deform and swell. Then, with a thunderous roar, it explodes, showering the hapless Faultar with fluffy white kernels.

Thrembling, Faultar hauls himself out from under the salty mass. "Loosiner, this means war!"

"Byyourcommandsir! Shall we attack the fleet again sir?"

"No Loosiner, I mean this means WAR! Get me Adrama on the comfone! You may not believe this, Loosiner, but there are worse things in the universe than the human menace!"

Loosiner's faceplate blinks in shock. "You don't mean..." His voice trails of in dread.

"Exactly." Faultar's expression is grim. "The Write Beings."


***


Will this mean the end of the war between the human fleet and the Nylon Empire? Will they lay aside their differences to face a common enemy? Will Faultar be able to get back in his chair? Stay tuned for....

[emerita]

This is to good....lol

[Micheleh]

...Battlescar Attactica Episode 3: The Schtick Bay Scenes!

***

The lost have been found- Captain Apilllow returned in a commandeered Nylon delivery shuttle, after having heroically rescued Fastbuck and Bummer from the evil clutches of the Nylon Border Patrol. We find the unconscious warriors at death's door in Schtickbay, while Apillow is mysteriously absent....

Adrama and Tighdye rush into Schtickbay to confront a scene of horror- ghastly organs and things best left undescribed strewn about in plain view. Adrama confronts this spectacle in shock.

"Doctor Salycilic! How many times do I have to tell you no eating in schickbay!" He shudders. "I *hate* menudo."

The medic smoothly interposes himself between the smoldering Commander and his lunch. "Of course, Commander. I'll have it taken out and tuppered. I take it you are here about the two warriors..."

"Exactly! Spill it, Doctor. How are they?"

"Well, their vitals are stable, they are both reading with proper levels of habeus corpus, compost mentis, ad sic horum...

"Knock it of, Salycilic." He ignores the wisened medic's reproachful expression at the interuption. "I bet you make half of that up. Just tell me what the problem is."

"Uh, sir... their weapons were confiscated."

"Is that all? Issue them new blasters and deduct it from their pay."

'Uh, no, sir... you don't understand... their WEAPONS were CONFISCATED."

"I heard you the first time, Salycilic, and I'd appreciate if you would not waggle your eyebrows at me on duty. It gives the wrong impression."

Dr. Salycilic screws up aforementioned brows in fristration, pausing for some time, before sighing. "I think you'd better look at these mediscans, sir."

"Dammit, Salycilic, I'm a commander, not a HOLY PEAS AND CARROTS, THEY CONFISCATED THEIR WEAPONS!!!"

Salycilic purses hs lips ruefully. "Yes, sir, I'm afraid so."

"By the Lords of Noboll, this means war! Arm the warriors! Gas up the Wipers! We won't rest until we have recovered the Jewels of the Colonies! Tighdye!!"

"Yessir!"

"Tell my son, Captain Apillow, to form a rescue squatron!"

"Ah... there may be a slight difficulty with that, sir."

"What do you mean, difficulty?"

"Sir, I last saw Captain Apillow sulking aound the rec deck, playing cards, getting drunk, and threatening to run away with the Colonial Circius."

Adrama stares at his CO in stunned amazement. "Tighdye, I think we have a problem."

"Sir!" A medtech barks. "We have a transmission from the bridge! There is an incoming message from the 3rd Basestar! It's..... Faultar!"

A stunned silence falls over the schtickbay. Col. Tighdye looks at his old comrade and chief gravely. "Adrama, *now* we have a problem."

***

As we leave the command of the Attactica horrified at the developments in Schtickbay, puzzled over the behavior of Apillow, and stunned at the transmission from Faultar, we can't help but wonder- who is writing this drivel, anyway? Stay tuned!

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[Flamingo Girl]

Ouch.

Laughter is the best medicine, they say, unless the illness is a pulled muscle in your back.

[Muffit]

Micheleh, this is too funny! LOLOL!!!

[Micheleh]

Thanks, everyone!

I am working on scene 4 right now. I should have it up soon!

[Flamingo Girl]

Can't wait!

[emerita]

More?

that was hilarious