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A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke." New.gif (1732 bytes)
One day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks. After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven: "Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!" New.gif (1732 bytes)
Q - Why did the drummer join the band?
A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q - What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A - Drool.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. They have machines to do that now.
Q - "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
A - "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
Two drummers walk into a bar, which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it. (Bar, get it!, Not a Pub)
Q - What do you call a Drummer driving a Volkswagon?
A - Farfromthinken
Q - What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A - You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
Q - What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A - Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q - What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A - You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q - Why are bad drummers better than drum machines?
A - You don't have to plug 'em in to get something stiff, mechanical and uninspired.
Q - If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?
A - The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.
Q - What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
A - They both suck without Cream.
Q - What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A - A really stupid gorilla!!!
Q - Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A - Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
Q - How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!
Q - Why do drummers have one more brain cell than a horse?
A - So that when marching in a parade, they can avoid the felgercarb on the road.
Q - Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A - Me either.
A bloke walks into a shop and asks for a 50 watt Marshall amplifier and a Fender Stratocaster guitar.The shop assistant says "Excuse me sir, but you're a drummer aren't you?". The man says "How could you tell?"."Well this is a laundrette" says the assistant.
Q - What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A - "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."
Q - What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?
A - "Would you like fries with that?"
Q - What is the difference between and chiropodist and a drummer?
A - A chiropodist bowls up your feet.
Q - How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - five. One to actually do it, and four to say how much better Lars Ulrich would have done it.
Q - How can you tell if there's a percussionist at the door?
A - What's a percussionist? (You know this guy is a drummer!)
Johnny says to his mum: "I want to be a drummer when I grow up."Mom: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
Q - What does the dyslexic drummer do after a joke?
A - "Ching, Badumdum".
Q - How do you make a flautist into a drummer?
A - You put another useless stick in his hand, and lower his I.Q. by 30 points.
Q - How can you tell if a drummer is walking behind you?
A - You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
* At each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the performance."
Q - What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
A - Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe. New.gif (1732 bytes)
Q - What's the definition of a decent human being?
A - Someone who knows how to play the trombone but doesn't.
Cheese: [has tinfoil on his teeth] I have braces! Mac: You found that on the ground, didn't you? Cheese: Garbage can.
-episode "Mac Daddy"Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends"
Q - What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
A - "Will the defendant please rise ..."
Q - In the 22nd century, how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source ?
A - Five, one to actually do it and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q - What's the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A - You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..
Q - How do you know when the stage is level?
A - The guitarist is leaning to the left at 15 degrees. (Think about it!)
Q - What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the PLO?
A - You can negotiate with the PLO.
Q - How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?
A - By the Dominos Pizza hat.
Q - What do a guitar solo and an income tax audit have in common?
A - You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it.
Q - What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A - Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q - How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Five, One to change the bulb, and four to say "I could have done better than that"
Q - How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but he'll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
Q - What's the difference between a lawn mower and an Electric Guitar?
A - You can tune a lawn mower.
Q - How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a light bulb ?
A - Five, One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.
Q - How do you make a chain saw sound like an Electric Guitar ?
A - Don't add oil.
Q - What is a gentleman ?
A - Someone who knows how to play Heavy Metal Music but doesn't.
Q - What's the range for an Electric Guitar ?
A - About twenty yards if you have a good throwing arm.
Re: Clean joke of the day.
