Clean joke of the day.

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How many Borg dose it take to change a light bulb?
All of them (think about it!) or 'light and dark are irrelevant'

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How many Kilngon does it take to change a light bulb?
None, 'Light is for the weak'

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Or How many Kilngon does it take to change a light bulb?
2, 1 to change the bulb, the other to sing an song about the epic struggle against the darkness

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How many Romualns does it take to change a light bulb?
3 1 to change the light bulb, 1 hired assassin to kill the bulb changer and 1 to take credit for it.

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Advice for evil overlords

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If (when!) you catch the heroes, and are about to kill them, never ever say "since your about to die I may as well tell you my plan you universal domination".

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If you get a chance to kill the heroes, don't invent some fiendishly clever way to to kill them slowly and painfully. After a bullet in the back of the head they are still just as dead.

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Don't try a capture heroes unless you absolutely have to. Death by evil overlord fighting is natural causes as far as heroes are concerned.

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Training standards of all of our guards must equal at least in the basics of marksmanship.

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Guards will not wear any sort of mask or face concealing head gear and they will all carry photo id cards which will be checked each time they enter any of your secret bases.

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Otherwise competent henchmen, should not be killed for there first, second or third mistake (on there fourth you might just have a case against them!).

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By all means have a large an obvious fortress of doom (possibly built by villain supply), but don't do any thing important there.

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If you must hold heroes for questioning, use you big flashy fortress of doom and get a professional interrogator to carry out the 'interview'. You can enjoy almost just as much by watching on a video link.

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Keep your real bases of operation well hidden and separated from each other. Preferably under ground.

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Prime sites are places like schools and children's hospitals, where heroes will naturally be reluctant to bomb and there are a ready supply of human shields (what! This is an evil overlords list!)

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Investigate your family tree very closely and eliminate at an early age any siblings that show heroic tendencies, better still kill all your family and to ensure you never have any children, make sure your sterile. Actually since you'll be spending a lot of time around atomic powered super weapons, this probably wont be an issue.

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Never rely on just one super weapon, have a several. Once again hidden and near targets that heroes will have moral problems shooting at. However don't have have them on the same sites as the bases you use. Your fortress of doom is a good place for a super weapon, or better still a dummy super weapon.

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Destroy all plucky robots and droids, cute and cuddly creatures. Heroes need comic relief once in a while and don't work nearly so well with out it.

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If you need a self distruct button make sure it can be operated remotely and that there is no count down. It should also be well hidden. By all means have a large red, well labeled and well protected self distruct button that delivers a fatal electric shock to any one pressing it.

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If you must have a self distruct button that counts down, make sure it has a large display that is 3 seconds slow and is surrounded by lots of blue wires. Cutting any one of these wires should trigger the destruct immediately.

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Make sure you have at least one escape ship ready at each base at any one time. Also make sure each escape ship, it self has an escape ship (or pod).

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Have you noticed evil overlords are illiterate?

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Dumb ideas about computers in Science Fiction.

Computers in sci-fi

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For a branch of fiction that is seemingly obsessed with hardware and technology, sci-fi realy portrays computers anything like accurately. This list was inspired by a simlar list here, along with some of my own ideas.

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Any computer that has gown enough to become self aware and/or break it's programing can be easily defeated by providing it with contradictory data.

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Really advanced computers emulate the sound of a teletype, while printing text to screen. In addition advanced computers make some sort of humming, buzzing, beeping noises.

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Large panels of flashing lights and banks of open spool tape drives also show a technology so advanced it's gone retro.

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Any virus, written on any machine, can infect any other machine, regardless of what operating system it runs. This is probably due to the fact that in all films, every one uses a Mac (oh what a paradise that must be!)

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Larger computers are faster!

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Hero's are incapable of typing on a computer unless they say what they type out loud.