The Last Battlestar Comments

[Dawg]

This is the thread for comments on Martok's story The Last Battlestar.

So let me take advantage of my position and make the first comments.

Good story. Takes some liberties with some of the "established history" of the Colonies, but reinforces others. There is no doubt that this is set in the universe that was created in 1978.

Our Martok is an excellent writer, and the quality of his writing carries me through the odd element I don't like, making the reading experience as I go through this story a very positive one overall.

I recommend it.

Comment away!

I am
Dawg

[martok2112]

Thank you for the kind first words, and honesty, Dawg.

To be sure, I have tried to keep the "language" (read: pseudo-profanity) in the style of the original series, but parents be warned that there is the occasional real-life dirty word to be found in the story....but such occurrences are rare.

The violence can get pretty graphic....in my strivance for realism in a story of mankind's destruction and near annihilation.

Overall, this story would most likely warrant an upper level PG-13.

I do sincerely hope that Galactica fans of all stripes will enjoy this new retelling of Saga of a Star World....with some other influences, and my own ideas thrown in for good measure.

Respectfully, and Appreciatively,
Martok2112 (Steve Dunlap, author)

[Dawg]

Our Klingon General has produced a new chapter in this fine story:

The Last Battlestar

What - isn't anybody else reading?



I am
Dawg

[Kester Pelagius]

Late to the party and only just glancing over some of the files now but, I have to ask. .

Were your character naming conventions by any chance inspired by Banner/Crest of the Stars?

Also the idea of Galactica being a new build vessel. I remember something like from somewhere. I thought it was in the novelization, but the version I'm currently reading makes no mention of this. Was that an idea of yours or was it inspired/adapted from some other BSG related literature?

[martok2112]

Originally Posted by Kester Pelagius

Late to the party and only just glancing over some of the files now but, I have to ask. .

Were your character naming conventions by any chance inspired by Banner/Crest of the Stars?

Also the idea of Galactica being a new build vessel. I remember something like from somewhere. I thought it was in the novelization, but the version I'm currently reading makes no mention of this. Was that an idea of yours or was it inspired/adapted from some other BSG related literature?

Hi, Kester,

I hope you're enjoying the story so far.

I've never heard of Banner/Crest of the Stars. The naming convention came up as a result of a discussion/chat I had with our very own Dawg. If there's some similarity, it's completely coinkydinkal. We were talking about the one name notions of the characters, and I remembered stating to him that one of the few irks I had about the original series was the single name of each character. If you called out the name "Apollo" or "Adama" in a crowded room, how many people could potentially answer back? So the notion of adding onto the names to be more specific, citing parentage and birthworld came up. I didn't want to use Latin (although Per does appear in the names) or any kind of Earth language for the locators and additions, but I wanted something that could sound familiar, even to new readers of Galactica.

In Teutonic/Scandinavian countries, the name Von or Van denotes a descendant. (If I recall correctly). So, I decided to go with Vor (for "son of") and Val (for "daughter of"). As "Y" means "and" in Spanish, I went with "U" (pronounced "oo") for denoting "and" in the ancient Kobolian tongue. Per obviously represents stating their birthworld, and Kel means "of the House of".

For informality's sake, this allows for the single name to be used....and it makes more sense to me.

So, informally, Adama is still called just "Adama".

But his full name is Adama Vor Ibrami U Adriana Per Caprica Kel Kobol, which in the ancient Kobolian tongue translates as: Adama, Son of Ibrami (father) and Adriana (mother) From Caprica of the House of Kobol.

And every Colonial is of the "House of Kobol".

There's also sort of a semi-feudal methodology here, as I'm sure you read of the "House of Adama". However, House of Kobol is more spiritual, and holds great relevance to all Colonials, so that is why it is part of their name.

The notion of the Galactica being a brand new battlestar was my own idea, and at that, it was just a pure brainstorm. In the novelization of the original story (and it's even mentioned in the TV series) the Galactica was at least 500 yarhen old. For the purposes of my story, the battlestars that existed before Galactica were around 100 yarhen old. (The wars between the Colonies, predating the first Cylon war, were of a long time ago, and almost culminated in the construction of battlestars. The battlestars in my story were constructed post-Colonial War, more as a deterrent to any future Colonial infighting.) Also, the battlestars before Galactica look like the ones from the new series, which makes sense because the original Galactica looks much more heavily armored than the new series ships (except for the new series Pegasus). I kept the new series Pegasus in this story, because it looks like a stepping stone design for what would become the Galactica in my story.

Thanks for your comments/questions. I do hope you are enjoying the story.

Respectfully,
Steve

[Kester Pelagius]

Steve,

Now that I've read more of it I feel comfortable commenting further. And, yes, it's a interesting read. You've woven the subtext of the original series through the setting put forth in the re-imagined series and managed to do it while not only structuring a coherent plot but fleshing out characters; even characters one might wish you'd left on the proverbial cutting room floor. Where Moore played a shell game with the audience in a blatant effort to confuse and confound them with vacuous and amoral interludes of sex and violence so they would not notice the lack of substance in his soulless raping of a epic story with a rich mythological construct you've actually managed to breath new life into what, to some, has been dismissed as a monstrous abomination and prove that, in the right hands, the material could have been something really interesting.

That said I do wish you'd omitted the Armistice space station as that, IMO, was utterly pointless. It existed only as a VFX cut scene so a original series style shuttle could be shown on screen. However the expansion of the interplay between Adama and Adar was nice and more than made up for the inclusion of the former. And, yes, I even noticed that you gave some thought to minutia, like the inclusion of a new time unit: the decira. (Hope I spelled that right.)

Obviously I've not read all the way through the material as I did not want it to influence my own writing but, I can honestly say, were I not writing a fanfic of my own at the moment I'd have read this through to the end. It really makes one curious to see how events will develop in this new hybrid universe.

Well done.

[martok2112]

Most kind, Kester. Thank you for the kind words.

The story is still far from finished, even though where the story is right now, some might mistake it for a climax, especially considering that the location in which this battle is taking place is where the climax of TNS miniseries took place.

I am glad that the reinterpretation of the new series characters seem to appeal to you. I wanted to make them a little more likable....especially one seemingly universally despised character.

I knew there would still be some risks here....including the Armistice Station...in retrospect, I wish I would've added a bit more to the scenes involving Lord Vekno, Adar, and Baltar....to give a bit more substance to the locale. As it plays out right now, I can see where it's a wee bit superflous, as it may have been in the miniseries. I am glad that the expanded interplay of Adama and Adar made up for it. I wanted to give characters that may have only had a few minutes of screen time in their respective shows just a bit more story time in my retelling.

Crafting out Adama has been a real balancing act, and a challenge. I wanted to strike a real blend of both Lorne Greene's warrior/priest, and Edward James Olmos' unapologetically pragmatic commander. In some ways, I was trying to think of how someone like...oh...say...Gene Hackman (circa Crimson Tide) might have played Adama.

I'm glad to have been able to make my own little contributions to this great mythos, like additions to the Colonial Time Units....and even coming up with a couple of creative Colonial expletives.

Thank you again, Kester, for the kind words, and I hope you'll find much more interesting stuff as you continue your read. I shall have to check out your works as well. I like to read as well as write.

Take care,
Steve Dunlap

[Kester Pelagius]

Originally Posted by martok2112

Thank you again, Kester, for the kind words, and I hope you'll find much more interesting stuff as you continue your read. I shall have to check out your works as well. I like to read as well as write.

Nothing much really happens in Galactica Saga until near the end of Act IV, Part 1. It's mostly just character/background development. If the lack of comments thus far are any indication I've either been boring people to tears or confounded them.

Speaking of confounding. . .

SPACE ABOVE CAPRICA, 0942C, 11 SKOLIM 7001

Eight large transports, and twenty heavy shuttles tore away from the falling headquarters battlestation. Bits of the station were already burning up in the Caprican skies.

Colonial fighters, and the battlestar Hera which were detailed to take on the swarms of raiders, and the incumbent basestars were now assembled to protect the collection of transport ships. The Hera unleashed a furious storm of flak and particle beam fire, trying to provide as effective a cover for the lightly armed vessels.

If you have that many small craft departing a station one assumes it's pretty large. A station that massive would be pretty high up in orbit and wouldn't just "fall" would it?

How about something like this:

Eight massive transports and twenty heavy shuttles tore away from the headquarters battlestation as it slowly spiralled out of control on a deadly in-falling trajectory toward the planet below. Flaming debris from the station could already be seen entering the atmosphere. Soon that deadly rain would fall across Caprican skies.

You could even raise the emotional level by including a further line like:

While there was nothing any of the men or women in those fleeing craft could do about it they weren't entirely impotent. Colonial fighters, and the battlestar Hera which were detailed to take on the swarms of raiders, and the incumbent basestars were now assembled to protect the collection of transport ships. The Hera unleashed a furious storm of flak and particle beam fire, trying to provide as effective a cover for the lightly armed vessels.

Just a comment.

Still reading.

Enjoying it.

[martok2112]

Thank you again, Kester. I am glad the story is still holding your attention, and you are enjoying it.

Your descriptions are indeed much more vivid, and I assuredly appreciate them. I'm still pretty new to the whole fanfic thing, and sometimes I do get into a rush, especially if my mind is going a million miles a minute with ideas.

Perhaps we should consider co-writing a story.

Also, the story still is far from finished. Perhaps we can talk ideas where the story is by the time you reach its current stopping place, which can easily be mistaken for a climax. Obviously, you would get a co-writing credit.

[sharpe26]

may I just say that I hope this gets continued?

[Kester Pelagius]

Co-writing a story might be fun. Of course I'd like to at least finish Phoenix Rising Part 2 before I embark on any new fanfic project.

That said I am truly fascinated by some of the extrapolations you've chosen. Don't agree with them all, then you know how jealous we writer's get, especially of ideas that don't occur to us first.

But, I have to ask, briskuu?

I guess it doesn't sound any odder than the klah Ann McCaffrey's Dragonriders of PERN drink. But what sort of drink is it? You don't describe it. Is it a warm drink? Cold? A broth? Tea? Herbal tincture?

By the way I was thinking: "And what's a Mamba bomber look like?" when that was introduced in the text. I know you do describe it, eventually, by likening it to a Raptor but there's no description of a Raptor in the text I recall. A brief sketch of a description of what a Raptor looks like for the benefit of those who haven't watched nBSG, or who don't recall much from it, would have been a nice additional touch.

[martok2112]

Originally Posted by Kester Pelagius

Co-writing a story might be fun. Of course I'd like to at least finish Phoenix Rising Part 2 before I embark on any new fanfic project.

That said I am truly fascinated by some of the extrapolations you've chosen. Don't agree with them all, then you know how jealous we writer's get, especially of ideas that don't occur to us first.

But, I have to ask, briskuu?

I guess it doesn't sound any odder than the klah Ann McCaffrey's Dragonriders of PERN drink. But what sort of drink is it? You don't describe it. Is it a warm drink? Cold? A broth? Tea? Herbal tincture?

By the way I was thinking: "And what's a Mamba bomber look like?" when that was introduced in the text. I know you do describe it, eventually, by likening it to a Raptor but there's no description of a Raptor in the text I recall. A brief sketch of a description of what a Raptor looks like for the benefit of those who haven't watched nBSG, or who don't recall much from it, would have been a nice additional touch.

LOL! Indeed you pointed out the very thing that has been my Achile's Heel when it comes to writing....a lot of times, I seem to rush my writing, and forget...."ummm...hey, doncha think you need to describe these things to folks who may have never seen the shows?" I guess because it's fanfiction, and writing (largely) for fans of the shows (TOS and TNS) I subconsciously took it for granted that the readers would already know what certain things would look like. I need to drop that particular mindset, and get back into descriptions.

Ah, briskuu. I wanted an alien name for "coffee", and thought that something which sounded like "pick me up" would work. I think another one of my weaknesses is that when trying to convey the notion of an alien (or off-world human) object, drink, or what not, I do my best to avoid even writing down the actual Earth name for it, and try (again) to remember that I do need to somehow describe it so the reader gets the idea.....ah...briskuu = coffee. Alas, apparently this was another thing I did not cover. I should go back and re-write some of this stuff. (The Last Battlestar, remastered edition....now with more description!) LOL!

You are correct about the Mamba bomber. It is basically a Raptor with bombing capability. My inspirations for this were that the Raptor was basically an AWACS styled space craft, the Mamba was the equivalent of an A-6 (Intruder) bomber, and there was another variant which would be the equivalent of the EA-6B (Prowler) Electronic Warfare aircraft. But all those ships mentioned are based from the Raptor.

Again, you honor me with your kind words and honest criticisms. I hope the story continues to entertain you, and I hope you will continue with providing me with whatever crosses your mind.....only in that way can I become a better writer.

Appreciatively, and humbly,
Steve

[martok2112]

Originally Posted by sharpe26

may I just say that I hope this gets continued?

I have been adding a little hither and yon, my friend....but alas, it's been only a little. I don't even think enough to finish the current chapter as yet. Inspiration's been a little slow.