Clean joke of the day.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the difference between the U.S. and the former USSR?
A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.

Q: What does this clown need to stop the investigation?
A: An impeachment.

Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Highway 50 the "Bill Clinton Highway?"
A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle.

[Damocles]

Q: What do the First Lady and the Superbowl Steelers have in common?
A: They both dominate.

Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the current First Family?
A: The Conners own their own home without crookery.

Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate?
A: No one died in Watergate.

[Damocles]

Q: What is the First Lady's new nickname after her latest hairstyle?
A: "Adolf".

Q: What are the administration's favorite words in foreign policy?
A: We have not ruled out military force.

Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski's legal fund?
A: A free stamp.

[Damocles]

Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for this president?
A: She can't give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or the President?
A: Gonorrhea--it can be cured.

Q: Why was the President's wedding delayed 5 days?
A: The bride's father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun.

.

[Damocles]

Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?
A: They re millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Atlantic?
A: To attend D-Day celebrations.

Q: How are the First Lady and James Dean alike?
A: They are both "a man without a clue".

[Damocles]

Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that the President was planning to go to war?
A: He visited Oxford.

Q: How is the President like an unemployed school teacher?
A: No class and no principals.

Q: What's the difference between the First Lady and a pickpocket?
A: A pickpocket snatches watches.

[Damocles]

Q: What does Congress have in common with the city of Buffalo?
A: They both have Bills that are losers.

Q: Why does the administration want to reinvent government?
A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing form...democracy.

Q: Who should this president have used to overthrow Haiti's military?
A: John Elway.

[Damocles]

Q: Why is the current Fearless Leader so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.

Q: Why does the First Lady think her husband is a model president?
A: Because a model is a small imitation of the real thing, her.

Q: What does the First Lady have in common with Gerald Ford?
A: They both became president without being elected.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the difference between the the ATF and our President?
A: The ATF is responsible for Tobacco. This jerk has trouble with weed.

Q: What do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him half full and wants to drain it in one gulp?
A: An optiimist.

Q: Well, then what do you call someone who sees the glass in front of him as half empty?
A: Teddy Kennedy.

[Damocles]

Q: What did Teddy Kennedy say when he heard of JFK's assassination?
A: He couldn't have been shot in Dallas! We're not Cowboys fans!

Q: Why did Ted Kennedy spend four hours in the voting booth?
A: He thought he was in a confessional.

Q: Why did the the {resodent switch from MCI to AT&T?
A: He doesn't have enough friends left to make a calling circle.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the difference between President Hoover and this one?
A: One promised a chicken in every pot and the other was an unpromising chicken who smoked pot.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the President.

Q: What's the difference between our Fearless Leader and a paraplegic?
A: The President is dead from the neck up.

[Damocles]

Q: Where are the two biggest airbags located?
A: The White House.

Q: Who was the first liberal Democrat?
A: Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been, and did it all on borrowed money.

Q: Did you hear that someone threw a bottle of beer at Fearless Leader?
A: Yes, but it's ok. It was a Draft and he was able to dodge it.

[Damocles]

Q: What's the President's least expensive hobby?
A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust.

Q: Did you hear that Tyson Foods has genetically engineered a new breed of chicken and named it in honor of Fearless Leader?
A: It's a brainless, spineless, tar-and-feathers yellow chicken.

Q: Why is the President the living proof of reincarnation?
A: Because no one could get this stupid in one lifetime.

[Damocles]

Q: Do you know why the President gave the Federal employees the day off on Wednesday?
A: It was Secretaries' Day and she was too cheap to buy her hisband a present!

Q: What's a word for a politicians campaign
A: A snow job.

[Damocles]

Q: What will you get if Cingress' health bill passes?
A: No Job.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

[Damocles]

Q: What's the best job a dumb blonde ever had?
A: President of the United States.

Q: Have you heard about the new President doll?
A: You pull a little ring and it never tells the same story twice!

[Damocles]

Q: What do the First Lady and Marie Antoinette have in common?
A: Nothing . . . yet.

Q: Why does the First Lady often wear turtle necks when attending her fool hisband's speaking engagements?
A: So you can't see her adam's apple move as he speaks.

Q: What's Fearless Leader doing to make Americans happy?
A: If you've paid your tax bill and have enough money left to feed your family--you're happy.

[Damocles]

This simple three question test illustrates how often Bill Clinton must be telling lies.

1. Is the Pope catholic?
2. Does Windows have bugs?
3. Does a politician lie?

[Damocles]

Administration medical dictionary

Acute: Opposite of an ugly

Artery: The study of paintings

Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do to dead patients

Benign: What you are after you're eight.

Bowel: Letter like A,E,I,O, or U

Cat scan: Searching for a kitty

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her

Cesarean Section: Neighborhood in Rome

Colic: A sheep dog

Concussion: A prisoner's sofa

Congenital: To be friendly

D & C: Where the White House is

Dilate: To live too long

Enema: Not a friend

Fester: Quicker

Fibula: A small lie

GI series: A soldier ball game

Hangnail: A coat hook

Impotent: Distinguished, well known

Jaundice: To include in a group

Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Leper: A wild cat

Malaria: Shopping place

Medical staff: A doctor's cane

Morbid: A higher bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Node: Was aware of

Outpatient: A person who fainted

Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis

Post-operative: A letter carrier

Recovery room: A place used for upholstery work.

Rectum: It almost killed him

Rheumatic: Amorous

Secretion: Hiding something

Seizure: A Roman emperor

Serology: Study of English Knighthood

Tablet: A small table

Terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport

Tumor: More than one

Urine: Opposite of you're out

Varicose: Nearby

Vein: Conceited

[Damocles]

Political one-liners

This administration: They have what it takes to take what you've got!

"Carter is no longer the worst U.S. President"

[Damocles]

"I am Congress of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

Thank you, Congress, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 2010.

Hey First Lady! Shut-up and redecorate!

[Damocles]

My other car was cancelled by the Congress' Tax Bill.

It's the spending, stupid!

If Congress was the answer, it must have been a real stupid question!

[Damocles]

Congress in 2010--NOT!!

I'm not Fonda Congress.

Congress: it steals from everyone to give to the government.

[Damocles]

Our Congress is living proof why stupid people shouldn't vote or serve.

Voter: "The joke's over, bring back Carter."

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Congress. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

[Damocles]

When this President was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied, "I don't know. I never had one."

If you came across thos President struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?

The First Brats asked their dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time...?" He replied, "No. Some begin with 'After I'm elected...'"

[Damocles]

The President will be starring in his own TV show next season. It's called "Welcome Back Carter".

Did you hear it took three secret service agents to hold the First Lady's hand down during the swearing-in ceremony?

If the First Idiot gets a divorce before 2010, who will get the White House?

[Damocles]

When this one was asked about Roe vs. Wade, he replied "I think the Haitians had better row because it is too far to wade."

Fearless Leader's mother prayed fervently that he would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

The money clip of the 10s will be a penny stuck in a paper clip.

[Damocles]

Fearless Leader's 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit thyself!

This one has been mistakenly characterized as a "yes man" when he is really a "yes ma'am."

The problem with a government-run trust fund is that there is too little of either.

[Damocles]

This one should be proud. He has done more harm in six months than Jimmy Carter in four years.

Isn't putting this clown in charge of a trust fund as insane as putting in a draft-dodger as Commander in Chief?

The current one only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: Integrity, vision, and wisdom.

[Damocles]

Asked about his views on euthanasia, Fearless Leader replied, "Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhere else."

Diapers and congressmen need to be changed frequently for much the same reason.

Fearless Leader is doing the work of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.